Boredom

When you have no internet, no cable, don’t work, and not many friends in the immediate area… You tend to become bored. I also like to call it “alcoholism.” Because everyday that you don’t work, and have nothing to do, alcohol makes it a tad bit more fun than it would have been sans-alcohol. So, drink up me hardies! Yo freaking ho.

Lastly…

Yes, I broke down and re-downloaded tumblr on my phone. Blogging last summer gave me something to do, and this summer I might as well go ahead and do the same.

So, while I have no internet because I’m poor and just moved into my own apartment… I will use my phone to update my tumblr on my incredibly boring and idiotic life.

Tomorrow night we’re having people over for beer and games. Hopefully someone comes over!

Sometimes…

Sometimes I feel like I’ve reverted back to my freshman year. My confidence has backtracked, my self-awareness has backtracked, and my ambition has backtracked. I guess at least now I know where I can get to, so I know my way up the mountain… But I would much rather just regain my place at the top of the hill. It annoys me to no ends that I am fighting the same battles all over again. Doubting myself is a waste of time and I hate it.

Sometimes I Wonder…

Why do people dislike me so much? I mean, for my friends- I literally give the entire world. Sometimes I give more than I have, and yet there are still people out there who want to tear apart my friendships with people. I don’t understand why anyone would want to lie about something or someone who is so important to me… This is literally the second time that you’ve had a hand in doing this in a few month’s time… And now you go and take advantage of how good a person I am and try to ruin my friendship. Because you know I won’t take you away from him. That would be selfish… That would be unfair… But I WILL be the better person, because that’s all I know how to do. I want to be a cold-hearted, caddy bitch… But I refuse to do that. Maybe someday he’ll figure out what a worthless piece of trash you are… But until then, I’m not going to say anything.

Like any friends… We have our own problems. Sometimes it’s tough to be so close to someone and still not completely understand them. We fight… We upset each other… We annoy each other. It’s not perfect, by any means. I don’t need you to help me doubt. I do it naturally. But it’s not fair that you can interfere.

I’m disappointed in myself… Because the last time this happened it was the other way around. It was him hearing lies about me. But he trusted me- and even though it was awkward for awhile and took a few days to sort out, we did it. But I have trouble trusting people when I hear they lie to me. And I never should have doubted… But I did. Because I doubted myself and how important I am to some people, and how much they CAN care about me. That’s what upsets me more than anything- how I handled the situation.

poetrysings:

Vote for Chris!

watermellenn:

judge me not, this song is great. even glee gets it right sometimes :)

(Source: Spotify)